Ae

If I was using names I would have put my sisters name in there, but since I'm trying not to use personal info, I use the abreviation Ae.

Ae one of my youngest sisters. She and Ar are twins, and the youngest of the family.

Ae has made some horrible decisions in the past few years... her latest has me shaking my head and saying things like "Well it's her life. But I sure wish I could give her a good talking to"

Ae first off is a somewhat easily lead person and I would call her naive. She has this thing where she'll get a job and then quit it a few months later because it isn't working out for some reason or another. Now, if it had only happened once, maybe twice I wouldn't think anything of it. But it has happened numerous times. I guess that doesn't have anything to do with her current situation, other than it points out her immaturity.

I need to say one thing. I do realize that I am picking Ae apart and dwelling on her negative traits and judging her in this post. And I don't mean to justify. But I really just need to rant, and nobody reads this site anyway... so no harm no foul.

Almost 3 years ago Ae started working at a local tortilla manufacturing plant. This place had many people working for it who were immigrants. Not just from Mexico (I know you assumed it :) mexican food = mexican workers) but from Romania and I'm sure other countries.

Well, while Ae was working for this company she started hanging out with a mexican guy. We were all a bit worried, but Mom correctly pointed out that she was 21 (or 20? don't remember) and could make her own decisions. Ae started dating this guy, who I should mention was a non member. She started dating him and - it came out later - eventually starting sleeping with him. Other things came out also. Along with the announcement that she was pregnant. We found out that this guy was an illegal. He had fled the US when he was supposed to be in jail (if I remember correctly) and came back into the country under another name. I will tell you this name because I don't care about it at all Leandro Marban. His real name is Jose something or other. Anyway, he is using a fake name and fake social security number. And yes, we tried to report him but found that nobody really cared. Hows that for national security? Other things we found later were that he had a gun in his car from time to time and had drugs in the car at times. All this while Ae was in the car. Ummm... how can you say RUN!!!!!! Anyway, after the announcement of her pregnancy they got married. Most family members really wanted her to adopt the baby out and lose the guy, but it was not to be. So they got married when she was about 3 months along. They moved into his apartment and she quit her job (big surprise!) Well, 3 months later they opted for a divorce. Saying neither of them were happy. Did I mention that for a lot of this time his brother was living with them and he would go on the occasional trip to California to buy hub caps for his car. OK either these were drug trafficking trips or he was totally into his car. I don't know for sure. Also, he spoke broken English and Ae didn't know a lick of spanish. So, they got divorced when Ae was 6 months along. So she moved back in with Mom and Dad. She thought about getting a job but it didn't get much further than her thinking about it. The good thing that came out of this time that she had was that she decided to adopt the baby out through LDS family services. She found a family that she felt very good about. She asked me to be her coach, and Mom and I coached her into motherhood. The baby arrived healthy and happy. Ae spent 2 or 3 days in the hospital with the baby getting to know him, spend time with him, and overall saying goodbye. Many pictures were taken, and all the family visited at Ae's invitation. Oddly enough the baby's daddy only visited once. He didnt' come to meet the new parents on the day the baby was handed over. And may I say that they stole our name that hubby and I had chosen if we were ever to have a boy? I told everyone.... and even though her baby was adopted and given another name (but they used Ae's chosen name as the middle name) she still won't let me use the name! She says she would feel weird about it. Even though she and everyone else refer to the baby as the new name. This annoys me. But whatever.

Ae seemed to be getting her life on track. She was receiving counceling through LDS family services and had worked through things with her bishop. She seemed to be getting her life back in order. She got a job, moved out, things were looking good. Then I heard from Ae's twin that life wasn't all rosy. Ae was still seeing her ex. Hanging out and stuff. A few months ago I found out that they were dating again. (um, ok, they got divorced?) A few days ago I found out that it was with all the former benefits. That really made me sad for my sister. When I heard that I couldn't believe it. Mom said that she wasn't attending church or paying tithing and had told her twin Ar that she didn't believe it any more. Wow. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

So here's what I think. Leandro was the first guy she ever dated. The first kiss, the first everything if you get my drift. I think that this is all she thinks she can get guy-wise. I think that is what got her in the first place.

I think that what is getting her now is baby grief. I think that she wants another baby. She thinks it will help her get over the first one if she has a second. But it won't. It will just add to her grief in the long run. I'm just so sad for her. I keep thinking I need to call her... but I think I need to process this more. I don't want to have more emotional diarhea on another family member :)

One thing that bugs me is that she hangs out and lives in a house with a girl from her birth mother group from LDS family services. This girl seems to be a bad influence on her... Wish there was something I could do besides the recommended "just keep loving her and keep talking to her" that I get from my Mom.

It all boils down to the fact that it is her life and she has free agency to make her own choices. Sad but true.

Next time I will pick myself apart... oh wait, I did that a few entries ago :) Ahh life. I wish it was a simple as a game of say Kings Quest. Point and click, accomplish certain tasks and win. Life is way to complicated sometimes! :)