Am I the only one who occasionally feels like their kids are sucking the life out of them?

Last night A woke up at 4 and then again at 6:45. The first time it took me an hour to get her back to sleep. By that time I was so awake that it took me a while to fall asleep again. I feel like a zombie.

Earlier last night I went to a recipe swap that another woman in my ward put together. It was fun, but at times I felt like I couldn't put 2 words together and make sense. I was having a good time, but wasn't contributing very well. I think that this is partly because of the kids, and partly because of the staying home all day. Who do I talk to that could be considered an adult? my husband. Speaking of him, I was gone a whole 1 1/2 hours. When I got home he was very upset, and the kids were upset. Because I've taken on so much of the kid burden, have I handicapped my husband to the point where he can't even watch the kids for 1 1/2 hours? He said that A had a major rash so he had to put some major desiten on her and she wouldn't let him put her down. And for some reason C threw up her dinner. I just think she was a) upset or b) ate to much. or maybe it was a combination of the 2. I am just upset that I can't even get an 1 1/2 break without coming home to a husband that doesn't ever want to watch the kids alone again. Thinking about that last sentence makes me want to give up. No Mother should have to look into a future that looks like she'll never get even a little break for the next few years (when her kids are in school). Anyway... A few minutes I told hubby that I thought I was done having kids. He said Well this last kid has been pretty tame compared to the first one. He doesn't understand that that is what I'm thinking of. If I'm at the end of my leash with a tame one, isn't it better to stop that to risk getting another crazy one?

I'm just so tired. A is yelling again.

Yesterday C was eating and made a huge mess - playing with her food and getting it all over her, the floor, the table, and worst of all in her hair. I gave them both baths yesterday morning. A was yelling this whole time, and I didn't handle it well. I yelled at C for making a mess. I spanked her (I hate it when I lose it like that). I wasn't out of control, but I hated that I allowed myself to do that. All the while knowing that the reason I was reacting so strongly was that A was crying and crying. Maybe a better thing to do would have been picking up A and getting her settled down. Then calmly cleaning up C. I should have really gone into a different room for a second and taken a few deep breaths. I resolve to do this next time.

Sometimes I just feel like my work will never end. Hubby just doesn't understand what it really is like to be a stay at home mom. I'm starting to feel sort of negative about that. A's diaper he changed yesterday? He didn't get it over her entire bum, so this morning at 4 she was soaked through. C had 2 nights in a row where hubby changed her diaper and the next morning the were unhooked on one side. Halfway off. I'm just really glad that there were no accidents there. C could have gotten it off somehow, but she had on pajamas and would have had to undo the diaper through them.

I guess I need more sleep and an attitude adjustment. I'm just tired of things. The dishes need doing again, the bathrooms need to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be done, the diaper pail is full again. C needs a new diaper, and to be changed out of her "jammas". The house needs to be picked up, I haven't even gotten a shower yet, or contacts in. So I stink and everything is blurry. Hubby just doesn't understand how it is to do the same things over and over and really accomplish nothing. He also has class for 4 hours tonight so I'm it, no breaks tonight. Hubby does give me lots of breaks, he holds the kids, since the bedtime change, he's helped put C to bed, He is a big help, but... I think I'm just tired. I love him, and he's a great Dad. Maybe its just that I'm not a good Mom, or not stay at home Mom material. I would so love to put the kids in daycare just so I can have a day alone to clean the house without C to pull things out after me. I could take a nap. I could watch something besides the Wiggles. Sometimes I just want to say I quit. I quit, you take the kids, I need some me time. Let me do something alone. I do have to say that I have a couple of hours during nap time. but its hard to cram everything into those hours. Also is it selfish to want to spend those hours on me? So no housecleaning tipically gets done during this time.